Wrinkles

I love growing older! That’s the realisation that surprised me yesterday morning when in between some complex ‘how am I going to deal with this work issue’ thought process it toppled me from behind. After sharing it with a friend of mine, he asked me whether I meant ‘aging’ or ‘maturing’. I said maturing, after all ‘aging’ just reminded me of loosing control over my bowel movements and shriveling up. But having thought about it more I mean “growing older”.

Truth is, I love wrinkles, more so, face wrinkles. I can’t think of anything else that depicts life more than a wrinkled face, showing the various depths of worn paths, mapping out what life a person lived, a life of worry, a life of laughter, a life of study, a life of hard work, a life of expensive moisturising creams, a life of balance, a life of depression, a life of passion or calm. Granted I am at the age where I don’t have enough to have a wrinkly face, however there are too many to look 20. There are mornings where my fingers desperately massage my forehead trying to erase evidence of the scepticism, drama and astonishment which ruled my teenage life. Most mornings I don’t notice them, subconsciously probably aware that there will be lots of other types of wrinkles following to cover up a past that is just that.

As many a child I wanted to be grown up. In my teenage years I was trying to figure out who I was without my parents, in my early twenties I was excited by the vast possibilities that life offers just to be slapped by the realisation that my life is my own responsibility and what that really means in regards to living every day shortly thereafter.

And now? Now I have made enough experiences to know the difference between what will make me happy and what makes me happy. I know the difference between what society has listed as valuable and what is valuable to me. I have my definition of Love and know the difference between me being in love with someone and me loving someone (and vice versa). I am proud of who I am, and know how to deal with who I am not. So although there is still a lot of things that I don’t know, and even more things that I don’t know that I don’t know, my most inner core stands strong and the rest of life gets assessed based on that.

There is no way I could have learnt all that without experiencing and growing older. And with every year that passes, I experience and learn things that add more detail to who I am.

Or should I say ‘carve another wrinkle’?

~ by spasmicallyperfect on February 28, 2008.