You can’t move ahead when you are curled up in a ball

1 am.
I am obviously up.
Which would be cool were I out partying, or doing anything but just not being able to sleep.
Thankfully I have already slept 4 hours or else I’d be in sheer panic.
Fine.
You win.
I am up.
At 1 am.

Thoughts are rushing.
Not the soothing kind.
Soothing kinds don’t rush.
Don’t cause sweat attacks.
Nor trigger frustration.
Need to change scenery.
The bed’s too suffocating.

1.05 am
Lying on the couch.
Curled up the fetus position.
Searching for comfort.
Not finding any.
Just finding darkness laughing loud.
I am angry.
Another great way to feel at
1.05 am.

Wait a minute.
I am no baby.
So why look like one,
feel like one,
be one?
Honestly.
Silly.
Completely not useful.

1.09am
I am up.
Standing.
Tall.
Feet steady on the ground.
Head held up high.
Shoulders wide.
This is me.
Standing strong.
See me darkness?!
I am up at
1.09am.

1.12am
Back to bed.

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~ by spasmicallyperfect on September 18, 2009.

6 Responses to “You can’t move ahead when you are curled up in a ball”

  1. I really liked this. Was this real?

    Hannah

    Hey Hannah! Yes, this was a real as it gets. Glad you liked my little night time wrestling.

  2. sometimes there’s a reason darkness pokes us awake to taunt us.

    Of course, my friend, of course…… still, there ain’t much you can do about it at 1am in the morning.

  3. Looks like you one another battle… victorious!

    Yes, it looks that way doesn’t it? 😉

  4. You captured an honest and real moment. kim

    Hey Kim. Yes, and isn’t that really the only thing I can ask for with this writing thing?

  5. Miss your light! hope you are well

    Hey there! Thanks for following up on me. I am alive indeed. Writing a little differently nowadays, mostly journals. I will return, given time…..

  6. er, I love you. Honestly.

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