Somebody is watching

send

A few days ago, I wrote an e-mail in a moment of weakness. As I typed the lines I was fully aware of the purely selfish need for comfort, asking for a sign that the world still cares about and believes in me while I was arguing with my own fate.

I hit the ‘send’ button and stared at the inbox, almost expecting that sign to instantly appear. Realising that was a bit silly, I moved on. But I never felt comfortable having sent that e-mail, comfortable about the wording I had used, the person I had chosen to send it to, in short, if I had a way to take it back, I would have. Since that was not the case, another voice calmed me: “You cannot control what comes back anyway, who knows, you might have done the right thing after all.”

Later that day, I checked my inbox.

Turns out, there must have been a system problem, the e-mail either never left or never made it to the person’s inbox. I didn’t resend the e-mail but reread it. Yes, it was definitely written in a moment that was just that, a moment. And whoever is out there watching is aware and apparently agreeing with my long term plans, helping me master the little bumps in the road, when I begin to stumble. Or in other words, cares and believes in me?

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~ by spasmicallyperfect on November 12, 2008.

4 Responses to “Somebody is watching”

  1. This is the story of my life… every day. We have so much in common. That’s why I love you so much.

    Aww, thanks my dear (don’t tell B. though, or he might get you in an upcoming snow ball fight!). Hugs, Me.

  2. Hey, send you a BIIIG HUG from work – yes, today IS saturday.
    immer s beschte gseh i allem – wenns gaht, mer chan sich das au ermögliche.
    ich hoffe, du hesch au schöni Vollmondträum gha?
    ganz en liebe Gruess us foggy CH, lake of Zurich – we both miss you!!!
    Helen T
    PS: suche noch ein gutes Pseudonym für einen CH Roman. :-))) YES, I DEFINITELY GO FOR IT!!!
    And I here thank you for all your inputs!!!

  3. Somebody is always watching

  4. Interesting post in so very many ways.
    I, too, have sent off emails that have unfortunately been delivered and the results have been less than zero.
    Know that anything I’ve ever received from you has been so incredibly insightful that it makes me wonder about my original intent.
    {and I don’t mean that in a bad way}
    Hoping you and your man are doing alright.
    ~m

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