8 years…… and counting

I remember how I felt a year ago having been married for 7 years. As I re-read last year’s post, there’s a question in the back of my head.

“How has year 8 made us stronger, wiser, more loving and how will we keep it going for the coming years?”

Some may say that question is silly. Being a person whose life is all about growth, I can’t help but ask it. There have been friends and family members who have over years suggested, that I try too hard to get something too work, to make things better, that I deserve to relax, be happy, and that the whole world is at my reach. This not just speaking about my marriage but other relationships, work, society etc.

Truth is as wacky as that may be in this day and age, I am one of those people who does not believe in the easy way out. In a society that seems quick to throw things away and buy new, I’m one that hangs on to things, not junk, but things, people, experiences that have been good to me, that now may take a little more effort but still are full of satisfaction and joy. I’ve almost turned mental trying to live life the smart way, challenging my every decision, asking myself whether this is truly what I want, whether I’m on a sinking ship or the one that will prevail and discover places few eyes have ever seen before. I am not a smart person and probably don’t live a smart life. But for me it’s not about smart, cause that lasts about as long as the next decision. It’s about what I believe (in). Other than that I don’t really know what else there is to hang on to.

Truth is, when that ship that I’ve stayed on too long goes down, I am the one who will get wet . Yet I’ll be too busy swimming to think about it. If I land somewhere, I’ll start anew. I won’t have to wonder what could have been had I ………. . And if I don’t make it? I’ll call myself a dumb ass. But I’ll die knowing that I fought for what I believed in. As much of a waste as that may be.

There was a time where my marriage ship didn’t look as if it was going to make it. Now I am truly proud of the relationship my husband and I have. And it’s not because I’m proud of everything I’ve done within it, for I am not. What I am proud of is that we never gave up, individually and together. Because of that, we’ve reached a level that doesn’t feel like anything I’ve ever experienced before. It’s not ‘just’ the feeling of ‘I have never felt like this towards another person’. It’s that and the sense of pride, satisfaction, love when looking at us as a couple, being able to celebrate his accomplishments as well as my own in creating what we have, through the good and the especially the not so good.

I remember early stages of our marriage, where the concept of ‘us’ seemed so abstract. I didn’t feel like ‘us’. I felt like I, me and mine. I still feel like I, me and mine. But I also know what ‘us’ feels like. And that is something that was worth every growing pain, every argument, every thing he said to me that was initially hard to hear. Now that I’m here I cannot imagine a life without the chance to experience that. I do believe that there are couples who are blessed to find that instantly. I believe I had to work for it, not because I’m not blessed (cause I am), but because this is who I am.

When I listen to younger couples they often seem so ‘young’ . When they ask me about my opinion, I always smile. It’s never my opinion. It’s ‘our’ opinion that has become mine. There are words of wisdom that without my husband I could have never come up with.

So what has year 8 brought? More wisdom. More love. More appreciation. More silliness.
And the next year? Who knows, maybe children………. apparently another source of more of the above.

Happy Anniversary my Love. And re ‘True Companion’, thanks for helping me not only love the song but also believe it. I love you

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~ by spasmicallyperfect on July 1, 2008.

7 Responses to “8 years…… and counting”

  1. Spaz,
    I really liked this post because I think it deals realistically with the nature of relationships – maybe there is that instant kinship with some (though I doubt it). But you’re a smart cookie – you know that persistence and the desire to persist is worth the investment. This is why you will probably have a marriage that lasts for 50 years or longer – you’re both in it for the long run and to me, that’s real love.

    Annie

    O dear, I’ll be 83 in 50 years! You think I’ll still look as sexy as I look now? I’ll better be on the lookout for younger beau to help me wheel around hubby who will be 89. 😉

  2. i also like this post, it speaks to something vital i think … happy anniversary!! xo

    Thank you Darlene. Yes, I think I’ve found the vital thing about relationships. Question is am I going to hold on to that and remember it through come what may…..

  3. True love and true marriage are not just happily ever after as so many believe. It takes so much work to make a marriage grow! When both people work at it though, it makes the love grow too and that is what makes it all worthwhile.

    Happy anniversary Spaz!

    Jennifer

    Thank you Jennifer. ‘Not just’ happily ever after. But once you’re done with ‘the other stuff’ it is indeed ‘happily ever after’. But it’s more like sitting down after a housecleaning and enjoying the view. And you have to continue to clean a house.

  4. Eight years? Well done! Better than I was ever able to do.

    -smith

    Let’s just say ‘different’. There is no better.

  5. Going from a me concept to an us concept is always tough. Congrats to eight years and I wish you many more.

    Thank you Evyl. Actually I the opposite is tough too. Humans are creatures of habit, I guess.

  6. As I come up on my 12th anniversary, thank you so much for putting into words what I have been feeling regarding my choice to be with my husband through thick and thin.

    Thank you for the beautiful, touching post. – Vickie

    Welcome Vickie and thanks for leaving your kind words. I’ll catch up to you in 4 years 😉 .

  7. God bless the both of you.
    Grow old together.
    What most folks don’t realize when getting married is that life isn’t what Hollywood portrays it to be.
    I’m celebrating 25 years with Pamela and truth be told, I love her more today than the day we were married. Marriage is worth fighting for. That’s what the pedestrian public doesn’t understand.
    Had to smile at the tune you picked.
    I’ve sung it for so many wedding I can’t tell you. Wonderful song, great lyrics and so damn true.
    Congrats to the both of you.
    Never go to bed angry, okay?

    keep the faith,
    ~m

    Funny you should say that ‘never go to bed angry’ cause I found that very difficult to achieve. But now that you mention it, I can’t remember the last time I went to bed angry, seems like years ago. And re song, yeah I know, cheesy…. but then I’m Swiss. It’s a public duty to love cheese! Thanks for stopping by m, missed ya. And re the quarter of a century, it takes two very special people to pull that off.

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