No more broken hearts

Listening to the radio getting caught in one of those ‘in’ today-‘out’ tomorrow songs.  It’s about Love and one of the lines asks one of life’s deciding questions:

“Do you love me?”

I can’t remember ever asking that question. I guess I never really understood the point of it.

Loving someone is a gift to that person. If I love someone, I can choose to tell them, or I can choose not to. Either way, my actions towards this person will probably still be of a loving nature. After all “loving”  is a verb.

The same works the other way around. Also, what is the most I can get out of that question?

An answer. Something someone says. Something someone says because I’ve forced them into saying something.

Even if that person says yes, does it match with all the things that person does and doesn’t do around me? What if it doesn’t? Do I go with what they answered? (Good luck!). Or do I go with what the actions say?  (Then why did you even ask?)

“But Love is complicated”, I hear various of my single friends say.

No it isn’t.  We’ve made it complicated. We’ve turned it into a bargaining tool. “I love you therefore you need you to love me back” (preferably the way I expect you to love me, whatever that may mean, from holding car doors open to turning into who I need you to be).  I’ll go out on a limb here and suggest that females are far worse at this than men.  The other one that blows my mind: “I can’t tell him/her I love him/her until I’m sure they love me. “

What would happen to broken hearts if we’d look at love as something that would make us happy giving?  I don’t mean to say that we have to make the person who we happen to love feel uncomfortable showering them with hugs and kisses and stalking them if they clearly aren’t interested. I mean if we love them enough to let them go their way, if we love them by respecting that, by wishing them nothing but the best, who knows, even by helping them get what they are looking for?

“Are you nuts?! Clearly you’ve never got your heart broken!”

I have. And broken hearts, although to a certain extent difficult to completely avoid, are in my humble opinion a waste of time.  Why be sad? You should be happy to love someone, especially if they are worth loving, why not take pride in the fact that you can love them from afar, rejoicing the fact that you’re  capable of loving unconditionally.

I’m always amazed when hearing people go on about how they lost out, how they were hurt, especially when they thought they were the one and realise that their Prince Charming was also involved with someone else.  How does that make them feel better? Yes, that person might have been a jerk, but now that you know, any consequences are up to you.

Where’s the love for yourself? Where’s the pat on your shoulder for being honest, open, brave enough to be vulnerable, and having shared of the greatest gift there is in life?  It’s not like you’re going to run out of Love.

“I feel so stupid!”

What on earth for? You weren’t forced into any decisions, you made them for a reason at the time.  If anybody should feel stupid it’s probably the other one. But even that, does it really help you feel better trashing them?

I wasn’t born with this attitude. It took me loving and loosing a special person to realise that I can’t have it both ways. I can’t have one view on Love until someone doesn’t love me back. I can’t have one view of life, until life doesn’t work the way I’d like it too.

And yes I was angry, hurt and sad. But I knew I didn’t want to. I knew that he, just like me, was trying to life his live the best he could, to make the best decision, to remain honest to himself. I knew I’d never want anybody hanging around me just for my sake.  My life is too short to do that and so is theirs.  If I respect myself enough not to do certain things, I can’t be expecting other people to.

If one and one makes two, one and one can’t make three.  Simple.

“You make it sound so easy.”

It isn’t. But it isn’t that hard either. It’s a matter of point of view, a matter of focusing on the bigger picture. Looking at the world as being a bit bigger than your own heart ache. And at the same time realising your heart’s capability of love is endless.

Falling in love or loving in a relationship is easy. The challenge lies in loving where there is no love.  Nothing heals a heart as fast as conquering that challenge. And if you’re too busy working towards that goal, there isn’t any time for regrets.  

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~ by spasmicallyperfect on April 17, 2008.

3 Responses to “No more broken hearts”

  1. Yes. Oh yes.

    I am learning this one myself. To love unconditionally is the greatest gift both to ourselves and to others. And I believe it is the only ‘true’ kind of love – the other stuff we call “love” is actually need and want and desire.

    Thank you for these words of wisdom.

    Welcome Zenuria. And thanks for reading. Seems you’re the only one, which I find interesting. Somehow thought I’d hear more comments.
    I am glad you understand. See you around. And regarding ‘learning this one myself’, I think all of us have to keep learning, keep remembering, keep pushing ourselves as it isn’t that easy to keep in the forefront all the time.

  2. thank you for that, you made my day all the more brighter from reading this.

    Welcome and Happy New Year Maddymudpie! 🙂 Thank you for about the best ‘thank you’ one can receive. Many more bright days to come your way.

  3. Here’s a performance piece I did protesting broken hearts back in the summer of 2006: http://www.learningtoloveyoumore.com/reports/34/bombard_benjamin.php

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