“Let’s talk about sex baby….”


The other day I was out for lunch with a group consisting of singles or newly involved males and females. While I was taking a back seat in the conversation enjoying my sandwich, the conversation turned to sex. My silence went unnoticed until a single guy teasingly asked me:
“And how many times a week do you sleep with your husband after having married for ages? Or should I say how many times a year? “
Clearly, he had some growing up to do. I swallowed and responded:
“Not that you’d be capable of keeping count but every day. “

Granted, I realise that there was a difference between what he meant by ‘sleeping with’ and my interpretation of it but since he nor anybody else bothered to follow up with a more intelligent question, I left them in their own interpretations of what I said which based on their faces would have fallen somewhere in between “she’s lying” to “wow, I wouldn’t have given them that”.

Truth is, when it comes to talking sex, I find myself to be very picky. So unless I’m having a serious, intimate or fun conversation with friends or hubby, I don’t talk about sex. Primarily, I really dislike the vocabulary and have found very few people who manage  to keep a conversation going without me getting annoyed. For example:

– Sex
I really don’t like the word, it doesn’t have any rings to it that I associate with what it depicts, it doesn’t sound sensual nor passionate. The ‘s’ is too harsh, makes me think of an aggressive snake (which granted might at times be the case) and so is the ‘x’ which rather than lure me into a wave of emotion just jumps me from behind a corner, scaring me out of whatever pleasurable thing I might have been dreaming about at that time. The fact that I keep seeing the number 6 whenever I hear or read that word, annoys me even further (and no I don’t mean 6 as 69, just 6).
(I can handle ‘sexy’ for some reason probably due to the excellent rhyming ability with Suzie).

– Intercourse
Great! That just sounds like some scientific discipline or a heading on a restaurant menu. Now, unless you’re writing a thesis on the subject, don’t use that word out loud.

– Sleeping with each other
Hello-o! Everybody understand the meaning of sleeping? Do you have a visual? How on earth does that describe what it’s all about? So my answer to this colleague of mine was actually truthful. Not my problem that he obviously has a very dull sex life.

– F..ing
Fine I admit, I am a snob. Yes I agree that in the right moment talking dirty can turn up the heat but before the heat is on, hearing that word or any version thereof just reminds me of fast food porn: too cheap, too readily available, lacking imagination or any sense of taste. “So you’d like to fuck me? I’ve got news for you, you wouldn’t even have a clue where to begin!”

– Making love
Here’s where it gets a little complicated. I really like the word Love. The ‘l’ is perfect to begin with, pressing your tongue against the roof of your mouth for as long as you can endure it before you let it drop into a long ‘o’ which reaches all the way inside to your stomach and finishing with the remaining breath ever so gently vibrating your lower lip in the ‘v’. For all the emotion that the world Love holds I can’t think of a better word.

Having said all that, ‘making love’ doesn’t do it for me either. It seems too safe, something that I might use while speaking with my children, or when writing cheesy song lyrics. The word ‘making’ just doesn’t have the calibre to live up to its outcome.

What else is there then? No other more exotic versions get me excited. From a writer’s perspective I know I’ve struggled with this ‘problem’, which well might be a personal one, many times. Unless I’m writing fiction, I’ve come to the conclusion that I have to treat any summary of such an encounter like I treat it in real life. Whether it’s me, my upbringing or my culture I don’t know, but when it comes to ‘sex’, it’s all about flow and opening all senses. Verbal communication is only a very small part of it, and at least in my personal opinion often produces more distracting noise than anything else. (I’ve only met one man who managed to stimulate me with what he said – and I am not talking about romantic palaver).

So in short, being one of the most if not the most incredible experience we humans are capable of and I haven’t found myself satisfied in fitting it into one or two or three words.

Have you?


~ by spasmicallyperfect on March 11, 2008.

10 Responses to ““Let’s talk about sex baby….””

  1. (((Spaz)))… I do not know where to begin. First, this is exceptionally written. Witty and fun.

    I get every single words you said. You have an interesting insight. My problem with talking about sex is… It is not intimate. Sex has become a topic of discussion to most. Why? Why should it matter to another? I never understood… and I never will…

    Again I am really amazed at the clarity of your thoughts and words…

    Thank You

    Enreal…. you’re the first to comment on a post I was a little nervous to post. I had my ideas, my voice of course but only assumptions on how they would sound to the readers. It’s one thing to write down thoughts, but to be witty and fun yet insightful and clear, that can is more challenging. I am glad you received it the way I intended to write it. Thank you for your kind feedback.

  2. This is wicked. I knew you were brilliant but this is beyond it. You are such a clever woman. You have all my respect. Also, it was great seeing you too the other night love. You are such a wonderful person. I hope all of your blog friends get to know you one day as you are so worth knowing. I also wish you strength and determination to pursue your career in writing. Love always.


    “Wicked”, wow, don’t think I’ve heard that one before on this venue, especially not with a French accent ;-), ouiqueeet 😉 . And I have to harp on your accent, as your other comments just make me say silly things. Thank you too for a wonderful evening, thanks for the dedication, as I said, that makes a song and a cow and one can’t ask for more than that! 🙂

  3. This is a truly wonderful piece of writing. It is always such a challenge to find the words to convey the emotions, sensations, release of that human bond . . . sex.

    Here, here . . . there are not adequate words. It can only be experienced.

    Again very nice,
    Miss Demure Restraint

    Thank you Miss D. Yes, there are no adequate words…… at least not that I have found. But we may remain hopeful 🙂

  4. This is beautifully written and PEAR’d with the perfect picture *wink* – What is the perfectly fitting word(s)? I’m not sure what the words are for sex, but you sure knew what to write regarding this subject. Amazing!

    Ah – aren’t they great!!! I LOVE that picture, actually have to see whether I can find a print of it somewhere. I also very much like your ‘pear’d with’, that’s just brilliant,thanks.
    Yes, as the saying goes, those who can’t do write…… 😉

  5. I’ll have more to say on this later, but I just wanted to say now how I admire the way you took a subject like this, avoided the titillating and salacious, and wrote a thoughtful, insightful piece that is also uniquely yours. Exceptionally well done.

    I want to say more here, but time constraints forbid at the moment. I’ll be back….


    Aha, more to be curious about, don’t let me hanging too long :-). LOVE the ‘titillating and salacious’ (have to look them up of course but they sound lovely! 🙂 ). And I think I’ve just found my favourite letter in the alphabet; “L”. All great words start with L: Love, Longing, Lust, Lips, Lollipop, Limburger (this one’s for Dad)……

  6. your writing often blows me away but this is … wow you, wordless over here! i agree on all counts and have yet to come up with a word that really captures it and perhaps that is why there are so many words that don’t really do the job well …

    Thank you very much Darlene. I respect your artistic talent very much, so these words mean a lot.

  7. Well, well for a first time managed to read it till end. Well done!!!

    Ok, now there’s a compliment, a documented case of ADD managing to get through all those lines!!!! 😉 I must be indeed improving……. 🙂

  8. Hey Spaz,
    I have to say I agree with you whole-heartedly on this one. None of the words are right. And really, why on earth would you discuss over lunch with co-workers. Seems to me that they must have sad love lives if they feel compelled to discuss it over ham sandwiches.

    As to a phrase to replace it? Hmmm… how about; mind-blowing, mutually stimulating, physical communing that sends the soul soaring?

    Sorry, it’s the best I could come up with.

    Thanks for some attempts of giving me new words Annie, I got a visual on mind-blowing by itself, ca-booom, 😉 , but as a whole I like it. Again, one word doesn’t do it, one has to connect to more. Have to dig up some last century love stories, the ones they couldn’t publish publicly, and see what I can find. I could start with rereading Fanny Hill and Lady Chatterley’s lover 🙂 .

  9. Your pronunciation of the word ‘love’ pretty much said it all.
    This was a wonderful post to read if only for the fact that you view the slang for ‘getting down’ to be annoying. I couldn’t agree more.
    These days, the lexicon is just too damn casual and cold for me to come close to warming up to it.
    As far as the douchebag that asked about “sleeping with your husband”, your response was absolutely perfect (spasmically perfect)
    I would have kicked the stupid bastard in the junk.
    I apologize, this post brought out some profanity in me. Feel free to edit. :mrgreen:
    Wonderful post, kiddo.

    Ah, some more words to add: getting down, junk,….. perfect 🙂 . Have to say that I am glad that other people feel as indifferent as I do about the subject. Lets raise our imaginations and do better!
    And re: kicking people, my awesome Mother (as per the other post) taught me how to behave, so I’ll leave the kicking up to the guys….. but she does have a quick wit and a biting sense of humour and never discouraged that! 🙂

  10. And I think I’ve just found my favourite letter in the alphabet; “L”. All great words start with L: Love, Longing, Lust, Lips, Lollipop, Limburger

    Not to mention Labia. 😈

    Sorry, couldn’t resist. You know what a sick bastard I am. :mrgreen:


    Wondered who’d add that one……. should have known……. 😉

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