A different wedding anniversary

We had our seventh wedding anniversary yesterday.

There have been wedding anniversaries during those seven years that I wanted to ignore as I didn’t feel like celebrating at all. I felt more like walking out the door and doing something else. By myself or even with someone else.

Not yesterday. Yesterday there wasn’t a place in this world where I’d rather wanted to be or a person who I’d rather wanted to be with. It was just about as perfect a day as our perfect wedding day (will have to write about that at a later time). This morning while on the phone to my Mum, it didn’t sound perfect. It sounded pretty boring actually, like a normal day finished off with dinner at a nice restaurant. But I didn’t have the energy to explain why that made it perfect.

Both my husband and I have been very busy the last two weeks and so rather then exchange cards and possibly a gift after waking up, there was nothing. Later I went to check out some stores for clothing sales and I came across this little Man and Woman statue called ‘Together’. We had looked the Willow Tree figurines before and even though they seemed like a very female thing, Bryan had said he liked them too.

So I bought it. As an anniversary gift for him but also for me. For ‘us’ so to speak. I also saw a funny card and got it. Not because I felt I had to, but because it was funny.

Bryan was doing woodworking when I got home and I called him up. Immediately he started apologizing for not getting me anything, but I just said “no worries, I got ‘us’ something”. I was nervous, because again, it wasn’t a very ‘male’ gift and I was wrestling with the possibility that I really had gotten myself a gift and not him. But, he loved it. And I know he did, because his reaction was different this time. It was as if he on seeing it, felt exactly what I had felt when I first laid eyes on it.

‘Together’.

For seven years we have worked trying to find an acceptable way to merge our two individual natures without loosing them. Often we worked alone not being able to communicate properly. I am not an easy person to live with, I am very easy to get along with, but I have a very independent mind attached to a heart that doesn’t want to disappoint or cause anybody any grief. That in itself causes tons of conflict for my own persona, not to mention anybody who has to live around me day in and day out. Also, looking back, when we got married, I wasn’t ready for it. My self awareness has increased so much and my priorities have changed too. I hadn’t developed the ‘who I am’ enough when I got married and once I did, I kept struggling whether this whole marriage thing with this individual fit into my ‘who I am’ picture. Trying to figure things out, I went down some paths that caused a lot of damage all around.

Still, as we sat there yesterday looking at ‘Together’ we both knew that even those bad paths had to be taken to help us realise who we are and more importantly what our relationship is made of. And I don’t say this to excuse bad decisions. Yes, our road has been a bumpy one. I remember one friend saying at one point “a relationship shouldn’t be as much work as you guys are putting into it” and I remember another telling me when I was ready to break up “the strange thing about you two is, that although you have your differences, I really see you being together, despite everything else, you always respect each other and do not stop talking to each other.”

So, there was always this thing that made us overcome obstacles. Yes, it wasn’t always as magical as I had expected it to be (i.e. “if we were really meant for each other, we’d agree on the same couch”) but every hurdle taken brought us closer together. The man I married 7 years ago, is still the same man he is now, deep down that is. The difference is, 7 years ago I assumed he was that man, today I know he is, without a doubt. Today, we can have our differences, but they don’t jeopardise our relationship anymore and we have succeeded in finding a solution or resolving a conflict enough times to know that if we just keep listening and talking, we’ll find another one. And that deep rooted understanding of our relationship, makes all the difference.

And the Love? Well, the love part was never the problem. My biggest mistake was that I relied on Love being purely a feeling. Feelings change. Now I know that Love is so much more then that, it’s a reward. And like any reward that one has truly earned, there is no better feeling.

Therefore, our 7th year anniversary will have a special place in my heart. It will be remembered as the anniversary that was perfect for all the right reasons, not because of the cards, the presents or the cool thing we did but because we didn’t need any of that – because I didn’t need it.

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~ by spasmicallyperfect on July 1, 2007.

8 Responses to “A different wedding anniversary”

  1. Beautiful gift but a much sweeter post.
    Congrats to both of you.
    ~m

    Thank you Michael.

  2. WHAAAAAAATTTT? Oh my God. Congrats! I’m mad that I missed that. You still write beautifully. Lots of love sent your way and I will chat with you in the next day or so. Big hug Spasmically Perfect.
    – Garshley’s Blog. Your friend Always
    Pascal xox

    Don’t be mad, I’ve missed so many things myself. And no worries, I’ll get your hugs anytime, no matter how πŸ˜‰ . xox SP

  3. i think that is the most personal thing i have ever read by you. and i am so happy for you in your celebration and your knowledge of ‘together’ really beautiful, dear one. really beautiful.
    love,
    sarah

    hm….. seems that my personal(ity) doesn’t fit in a few poem lines, there have to be endless sentences…. πŸ˜‰ . I hope you’re not asking for more personal stuff cause I’d have to seriously warn you to be careful what you ask for πŸ˜‰ . Nothing personal about me is shorter then 3 pages……. πŸ™‚

  4. I agree with Sarah.
    Thanks for sharing this.
    You know my sister told me once (she’s been married for 20 years) that love is about commitment and as you grow, both individually and together, your love blossoms into something deeper, more pure than the initial butterflies, can’t get enough of you love. Through life and experiences, the love you come to share bonds you together tighter than glue.
    I’m happy that you had this wonderful day.
    kim

    Wow 20 years….. whenever I hear of people being together for a long time, it always reminds me of Marc Cohen’s song ‘True Companion’. Here the last verse:

    “When the years have done irreparable harm
    I can see us walking slowly arm in arm
    Just like the couple on the corner do
    cause girl I will always be in love with you
    And when I look in your eyes
    Ill still see that spark
    Until the shadows fall
    Until the room grows dark
    Then when I leave this earth
    Ill be with the angels standing
    Ill be out there waiting for my true companion
    Just for my true companion
    True companion
    True companion”

  5. this brought tears to my eyes … good ones … so glad that you two had a beautiful day for all the right reasons. lots of love.

    Oh-oh, maybe I should start investing in tissue companies πŸ˜‰ or start my own company ‘For all the good tears’…..now there’s a slogan πŸ˜‰ . Thank you for your thoughts.

  6. When one feels as you described its sort of perfect , though it lacks the frills and may be thats why perfection takes years.
    And yeah a book section any day is a good idea…perspective is a wonderful thing …..in fact sometimes i look at my own book reviews or thoughts rather and wonder …oh well i thought so …i felt so???
    All the best hope for wish you more of such perfect days.

    Thank you Yamini, I do appreciate your good wishes. Let’s hope I don’t get too many or else I might not notice that they are perfect anymore πŸ˜‰ .

  7. I really resonated with your profound post. My husband and I will celebrate our 35th next month. Your journey mirrors ours in so many ways, bumpy road and all. Still, people remark how different we are from each other. And, still, we say it to each other.

    I’m not sure we had the wisdom after 7 that you seem to have. But as I anticipate our next anniversary, there’s no place I’d rather be. While the marriage didn’t look like I thought it should, it was actually knitting itself around me…supporting, stabilizing…becoming what I/we needed.

    Yours will continue to be a wondrous journey between two wondrous people.

    All the best to you and him, dear one.

    Hm…… you’ve been married 5 times as long as I have and I feel as if it’s been so long already. Still, starting to see the potential of what level two human beings can reach within an active relationship, I have no doubt that as long as I stay alert to what is happening, there will be so much more to realise, to learn, to experience. I know I’ll continue to grow, so there is no other option then for the relationship to grow too. Can’t wait. Thanks for sharing my dear, and congratulations too.

  8. […] remember how I felt a year ago having been married for 7 years. As I re-read last year’s post, there’s a question in the back of my […]

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