Just a piece of sky

 

(A piece of the soundtrack from the movie Yentl, sung by Barbara Streisand)

 

“Tell me where,

Where is it written what I’m meant to be,

That I can’t dare?

 

It all began, the day I found

That from my window I could only see a piece of sky.

I stepped outside and looked around,

I never dreamed it was so wide or even half as high.

 

The time had come to try my wings

and even though it seemed

at any moment I could fall

I felt the most amazing things,

the things you cant imagine

 if you’ve never flown above,

though it safer to stay on the ground,

sometimes where danger lies,

the sweetest of pleasures are found,

no mater where I go

there will be memories that tug on  my sleeves

but there will also be

more to question yet more to believe,

 

Oh tell me where

where is the someone who will turn to look at me

and want to share

my every sweet imagined possibility?

 

The more I live the more I learn,

the more learn the more I realize the less I know

each step I take, I have a voice now,

each page I turn, I have a choice now,

each mile I travel only means the more I have to go,

what is wrong with wanting more

if you can fly – then soar!

With all  there is

why settle for just a piece of sky ?”

 

I remember hearing this song the very first time during my early teenage years.  I remember going out to countless music stores asking for the soundtrack of the movie Yentl, just so that I could listen to that song again. And again and again and again. There isn’t another song that I am aware of that touches me more, resembles my most inner voice as much as this one. It’s the song that seemed to have been written just for me.

 

 

I am not a female who lives in a time or country where women aren’t aloud to study. In fact, I probably grew up in one of the most open skies. And yet, somewhere along the path of my early years, I got the impression that I was meant to stay quiet and put, not necessarily marry, have kids and stand in the kitchen, but in a much subtler way. I learnt how to dream passively, in my imagination, while spending reality looking out for others. Here I am today, years later and that song still rings true. But I haven’t quite flown above, at least not in my eyes. There are many people to which my life might seem like that, but their eyes don’t cry the tears mine do.

 

 

Going back to the movie, Yentl manages to fly, but not without her share of obstacles, pain and doubt. Finally she has her voice, her choice but has to go her way alone. The movie ends there, my life does not. Some days it seems that my life is all about that question. How do I fly above, without having to fly alone? Where is that someone who will turn to look at me and want to share my every sweet imagined possibility? Precisely. It’s not all about me once it comes to being with someone. Unless that person is me, or wants to be me, or gives up part of themselves up for me,  how can I fly without there being a strap that ties me down?

 

 

What if I am already flying and don’t recognize it? There are people, at times including myself, that see an arrogance in wanting more. Then I think of people who we commonly recognize as having achieved things, Nobel prize winners, Olympians, Tinsel town celebrities, self-made billionaires, Presidents, Artists that can actually live off their creations etc. Without a certain arrogance, without wanting to be better, achieving more than others, loving what they do more than (m)any things else they would not have been able to sacrifice what they had to in order to become who many of us heard about. And if there was room for that special someone at their side on their way there, if there were children there, those people also had to make their sacrifices.

 

 

Are my achievements worth other people’s sacrifices? Why do I feel that I need to achieve? What constitutes an achievement in my eyes and why is that so? If we put that question to humanity, there has to be a variety of answers. So why do I feel challenged when accepting my answer? Why do I feel challenged if other people cannot agree with my answer?

 

 

Love. It’s the be all and end all. Literally. I am not speaking about romantic love, although I don’t want to exclude this important aspect of Love either. I am speaking of a spiritual Love, the Love for ourselves and everybody, everything around us. I am not yet proficient at Love, although I do know butterflies in my stomach and I have my share of heart ache. I am guilty of loving myself more than others as well as the opposite. I am guilty of acting out those feelings. Where there’s guilt, there is an accuser. Should there be?

 

 

I was born into a world of 10 commandments, brought up somewhere inbetween following my heart and using my brain or that of others, making sure to lock up my heart if it stood any chance of making me poor, tying me down, overcoming my or other people’s rational or irrational fears. I’ve lived in a society where the norm of being part of a two people relationship ‘for ever and ever amen’ has reigned for a long time and now is succumbing to the pressures of independency and individualism, meanwhile our dreams have not caught up yet. In midst a sea of opportunity; educational, financial, technological, industrial or social, the time and space for relationships is shrinking, and so is in some ways its appeal. Everything is getting faster and easier except for relationships. As we proceed to raise an environment of immediate fixes and accessibility who has time to deal with humans?

 

 

Tell me, where is it written what I am meant to be? Well, if there were a place that was predestined with a neatly presented blueprint on how to get there, then we probably wouldn’t like it anyway as we wouldn’t understand why. Still, this underlying urge of having to move forward, even if I am not sure where I am meant to go, has to come from somewhere. And so a multileveled tug of war continues, some days as part of my external life, constantly part of my internal one.

 

 

As much as we might like the idea of independency, of following our own dreams, only having responsibility for our own life, there will always be consequences of what we do or don’t do, which will in one or another way affect us. Having said that, am I more willing to deal with consequences from decisions made based on Love and compassion rather then individual fulfillment?

 

 

I admire people who have managed to merge the two and if I think of what I’d want to be then that would pretty much be it. And until I get there or find out what I am meant to be, I guess I’ll keep bouncing around within the words of ‘Just a piece of sky’. 

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~ by spasmicallyperfect on November 9, 2006.

One Response to “Just a piece of sky”

  1. The questions you pose I think are common among all of us – maybe more so among the creative crowd.
    But maybe the answers are much simpler than you may think. Life is a game – and I dont’ mean that in a flippant way – but that life really is an adventure and each person has their own adventure. Sometimes they adventure with others and sometimes they adventure alone. I suppose the trick is knowing the difference.
    sarah

    Yes, some days I am better at knowing the difference, others just seem like the whole adventure isn’t going anywhere. Overall though, I wouldn’t want to be without the adventures and am well aware by now that any adventure has its highs and lows. Sarah, thank you for taking the time to read through all above and sharing your opinion. Have a wonderful and adventurous day! SP

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