Morning Bath of Thoughts

I love being up bright and early on my day off

(once I get passed the “why did I wake up so early?”-grumpyness).

Missed the sun rise by a hair, but it was low enough to fill the gap with imagination.

And my whole “you’d better write me first before even thinking of getting any mail from me”-attitude?

Well, some things in life should not be put off, and if I feel like wishing someone a fantastic morning because I want them to wake up knowing that someone is thinking of them and wishing them well, then I just have to do it. That’s me. And I love me. 

I love everything this morning. Really love everything.

Sometimes it feels as if my chest is going to explode, and as deep as I breathe, I can’t get rid of the pressure. But it’s good pressure, energy, I can feel my heart pumping and the love turn into strength for every cell in my body.

It’s moments like these where it makes perfect sense to me that positive thoughts and feelings heal the body.

It’s moments like these where I gain respect of the negative, abusive thoughts and feelings. I am happy that they have become rare and aware that even those moments aren’t worth injuring myself. 

I read that Buddhists see the mind as clear blue sky.

I love images that mean something to me, natural images that I can relate to. 

And it’s funny, remember how I said (in a rather negative mood I have to admit) that when people are around me there often seems to be a dark grey dusty cloud? I’ve been able to extrapolate (bad word, can’t think of the right one) that cloud, realising that it’s something that I put there, that it isn’t real, that behind that it’s clear. So in my mind I cut it loose from me, so it floated by itself for a while, and then it slowly turned whitish then became clearer like slurry clouds in the sky and eventually it evaporated. 

It still tries to come back initially, but then I look up at the real sky and remember that behind the clouds it’s blue. 

I love life. 

Now I only have to learn how to apply that to everybody around me. Not just in my head and heart but in actions, not just with the people I feel safe with, but especially with the ones where I don’t. 

And I love that life whenever one lesson is learnt offers another one to be learned.

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~ by spasmicallyperfect on March 4, 2006.

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