Alike

(painting by Mark Fischer ‘An orchard in the Spring’)

Life has this way of preparing us for what is to come. Although it may often not feel that way, I do believe that that there is some underlying curriculum. Many times it isn’t until after a ‘life-changing event’ that through reflection I realise this.

I think of all the unfinished pieces, all the apparant holes in my life. There are days where I am overwhelmed, feel behind in schedule or alltogether in the wrong place. Rather than being inspired by that, I often collapse.

But today the sun is shining and so is my spirit. It is a gentle spring mood full of potential and at the same time humbled by it. My blessings are as visible and bright as the blossoms on the fruit trees. Soon they will turn to solid green, strong enough to sail the winds and master the storms.

Winter was long and hard this year, leaving nature impatiently waiting past March, past April almost, to emerge from their earthly dorm. And now it has; full force, full beauty, determined and prepared to deliver the performance of a life time.

How tempting to draw a comparison to my own life!

And so now where I am battling bouts of surpressed energy looking for an appropriate release, I will not fret but trust that door will open - when life is ready.

 

Playfulness

@spasmicallyperfect

I saw my face
playfully twisted
by the lake’s gentle strokes
of timelessness.

Where else
can one drown
in peace and quiet
and reawake alive?

Where else
can my bare toe
erase my image
while tickling water?

 

25 minutes until mother’s day is over….

Today I said thank you to my own mother and my mother in law, both of which I am blessed to still have in my life. I remember both my grandmothers who each in their own ways breathe ever breath I take, think every thought, feel every feeling and laugh every laugh I share.

And I know many mothers and can imagine many more. I often think of being a mother myself, think of the joyful moments, being humbled by the miraculous ones and respectful (ok, freaked out!) of what it really means to be a mother. Well aware that my imagination does not do ‘being a mother’ any justice, I am in even bigger awe of all the mothers who have stepped up and are stepping up to the ‘motherhood’ plate.

Tonight, my thank you goes out into the night, to be hopefully carried to where it deserves to be heard, to the mothers of this world. And I’m adding one big ‘thank you’-hug to one ‘Supermom’ in particular tonight, as I know she’s carrying an extra load at the moment. Thank you Jennifer.

With 19 minutes left until a new busy week approaches, let us hang on to today’s thank yous and make them last.

 

Happy Birthday B.

It’s your birthday today and yet it’s me that is getting a gift,
the gift of having you in my life,
another day,
another week,
another year,
another lifetime.

You say you’ll start deducting years rather than adding them.
Don’t.
Your life is an accomplishment,
each day,
each week,
each year,
each lifetime.

I know life hasn’t always dealt you the best cards,
but looking at you, one would never suspect.
And with each new morning, I’m never sure
who smiled first,
the sun,
or you,
as you light up
my day,
my week,
my year,
my life.

You make me want to be better,
do better,
reach to where you already are.
Meanwhile you,
just look at me
and say,
‘Let’s grow together.
One day at a time’.

It’s your Birthday today.
But from where I’m standing,
May 3rd has brought me
the biggest present.

I love you.

 

Simple things

I’ve been looking for simple things.

Simple things that can only be heard when it is quiet.

Simple things that can only be seen when one looks past the big and bold, and takes a second look at what is already there, in plain sight, hiding away beauty by displaying it.

Simple things that have slipped my mind, yet left behind the memory of a joyful heart and the pain of an empty one.

Simple things that nobody talks about.

Simple things that once you’ve made the effort to find one, don’t come in chances but in abundance.

Simple things.

Like
plucking the strings of my guitar that has remained silent for over a year,

Like
realising that I’ve seen hundreds of squirrels yet am still to see a baby squirrel,

Like
pointing out the gorgeous Magnolia tree to a colleague who would have missed it in his tunnel vision

Like
eating lunch at restaurant I’ve never been to before and letting the waitress choose my food

Like
waiting by the front door until my love comes home from work, remembering how I waited for him before our first date

Like
watching my hand write cursive, concentrating not so much on the words I write but each letter, making it perfect

Like
saying goodbye as Orion leaves the night sky, and pulls after him sultry summer evenings

Like
feeling the cool porcelain against my dry lips anticipating the first sip of morning coffee

Like
listening to the sound of my breath.

Simple things.
They make me happy.
Simple, really.

(image by @spasmicallyperfect)

 

Just have to get this off my chest….

Figures that once I say ‘bye’, I’d have plenty of stuff to write about. Anyway, can’t let this one pass without mention.

Today I had an absolutely gorgeous day for so many individual reasons that came together so perfectly it was almost scary. Three of those items, I listed below. All happened after most of the day had already passed and although I was perfectly happy with it, stepped it up another notch.

I got a beautiful card from my sister, who writes me exactly twice a year, but manages to pile a year worth of love into those two cards. The envelope lids always burst before I can tear them open.
Little Sis, I love you very much too, your the bestest (who cares about grammar when it comes to family???!!!) sister I have .

Then I got a package by my longest, bestest (who cares about grammar when it comes to friends???!!!) friend who manages to send me way more than presents, she sends me her time, thoughts, feelings, memories, hugs all in one box, everything from wrapping to cards to stamps has some sort of meaning, it’s incredible.
Eli, you’re the bestest longest friend there is, you’re amazing, and I am still not sure some days how I deserve all the attention that you give me, despite the ocean between us.

Last but in no way least, I decided to look into the ‘evil’ computer and found my friend Pascal had written a poem for me (for those of you who are interested, check out “perfectly indecisive” on my blogroll). I’m still not sure what on earth to say to that other than: “if I had you here, you’d be getting one squishy hug”. After what you did for me in “Allenby sessions” I wasn’t prepared for this. But then I don’t think I’m ever prepared for moments like these. I’m so glad I have you in this city, my fellow ‘immigrant’.
You’re bestest (you get the picture, right?) cutest talentest perfectly indecisive friend with accent that there is .

It’s incredible how whenever I feel clouds above me, the sunshine always re-emerges just in time.

A truly heartfelt thank you to each one of you tonight. I know you can feel it.

 

Taking a break

Hey everybody,
I could write long explanations, but then none would be good enough I guess.
I just need a break and therefore I am taking one.
Where ever you are, have a lovely Spring and beginning of Summer, and remember:
you are beautiful.

(@spasmicallyperfect)

 

Home can’t wait

You are living your life
Out of a grown up’s suitcase
Failing to see
That you never unpack.

I stare at the photos
Of your newest place
It looks strangely familiar
And I ask myself

How long will it last
Till you’re tired again,
How long will it last
Until the new paint fades?

If only you could see
The man you are inside
The one that lies beneath
Your fear of loosing out.

If only you could love
The beauty of your soul
It would shine so bright
You’d move right in.

And never move out.

You’d have friends come to visit
You’d try out new things
You’d work towards goals
You’d spread your wings.

But you’d never move out.

Cause you’d be home.

 

No more broken hearts

Listening to the radio getting caught in one of those ‘in’ today-‘out’ tomorrow songs.  It’s about Love and one of the lines asks one of life’s deciding questions:

“Do you love me?”

I can’t remember ever asking that question. I guess I never really understood the point of it.

Loving someone is a gift to that person. If I love someone, I can choose to tell them, or I can choose not to. Either way, my actions towards this person will probably still be of a loving nature. After all “loving”  is a verb.

The same works the other way around. Also, what is the most I can get out of that question?

An answer. Something someone says. Something someone says because I’ve forced them into saying something.

Even if that person says yes, does it match with all the things that person does and doesn’t do around me? What if it doesn’t? Do I go with what they answered? (Good luck!). Or do I go with what the actions say?  (Then why did you even ask?)

“But Love is complicated”, I hear various of my single friends say.

No it isn’t.  We’ve made it complicated. We’ve turned it into a bargaining tool. “I love you therefore you need you to love me back” (preferably the way I expect you to love me, whatever that may mean, from holding car doors open to turning into who I need you to be).  I’ll go out on a limb here and suggest that females are far worse at this than men.  The other one that blows my mind: “I can’t tell him/her I love him/her until I’m sure they love me. “

What would happen to broken hearts if we’d look at love as something that would make us happy giving?  I don’t mean to say that we have to make the person who we happen to love feel uncomfortable showering them with hugs and kisses and stalking them if they clearly aren’t interested. I mean if we love them enough to let them go their way, if we love them by respecting that, by wishing them nothing but the best, who knows, even by helping them get what they are looking for?

“Are you nuts?! Clearly you’ve never got your heart broken!”

I have. And broken hearts, although to a certain extent difficult to completely avoid, are in my humble opinion a waste of time.  Why be sad? You should be happy to love someone, especially if they are worth loving, why not take pride in the fact that you can love them from afar, rejoicing the fact that you’re  capable of loving unconditionally.

I’m always amazed when hearing people go on about how they lost out, how they were hurt, especially when they thought they were the one and realise that their Prince Charming was also involved with someone else.  How does that make them feel better? Yes, that person might have been a jerk, but now that you know, any consequences are up to you.

Where’s the love for yourself? Where’s the pat on your shoulder for being honest, open, brave enough to be vulnerable, and having shared of the greatest gift there is in life?  It’s not like you’re going to run out of Love.

“I feel so stupid!”

What on earth for? You weren’t forced into any decisions, you made them for a reason at the time.  If anybody should feel stupid it’s probably the other one. But even that, does it really help you feel better trashing them?

I wasn’t born with this attitude. It took me loving and loosing a special person to realise that I can’t have it both ways. I can’t have one view on Love until someone doesn’t love me back. I can’t have one view of life, until life doesn’t work the way I’d like it too.

And yes I was angry, hurt and sad. But I knew I didn’t want to. I knew that he, just like me, was trying to life his live the best he could, to make the best decision, to remain honest to himself. I knew I’d never want anybody hanging around me just for my sake.  My life is too short to do that and so is theirs.  If I respect myself enough not to do certain things, I can’t be expecting other people to.

If one and one makes two, one and one can’t make three.  Simple.

“You make it sound so easy.”

It isn’t. But it isn’t that hard either. It’s a matter of point of view, a matter of focusing on the bigger picture. Looking at the world as being a bit bigger than your own heart ache. And at the same time realising your heart’s capability of love is endless.

Falling in love or loving in a relationship is easy. The challenge lies in loving where there is no love.  Nothing heals a heart as fast as conquering that challenge. And if you’re too busy working towards that goal, there isn’t any time for regrets.  

 

More than a birthday present

(Painting by Akiane Kramarik)

I had to write this post because posts like these don’t get written enough.

Today when I saw all these people lining up to congratulate you to another year of ‘you’, I wasn’t half as surprised as you were. Truth is, you work too hard at being a good person to realise how many people you impact. Today they paid tribute.

That means something. You hate tooting your own horn but so what? It’s your birthday, it’s a celebration of you being born, and the years you’ve lived so far. And overall you’ve done a fine job.

You’re gorgeous. Not every morning, especially after you’ve spent night processing thoughts and feelings into journals, not every evening when you’re red eyes are too tired to take in more and you’re make up isn’t where you painted it on earlier because you’re too impulsive to keep your hands off your face. But no matter what time of day you’re always beautiful, because you’re beautiful inside.

You’re talented. There is no denying it. Many things other people have to work hard for, come to you easily. They never seem that way of course, because lets face it, you’re a perfectionist. Remember how you used to complain about how the only thing you seem to be good at is ‘being kind’? Remember how you used to say that one can’t build careers, can’t make a life out of that?

You have more than your career. You have a career, you have a family that loves you, you have a beautiful home, you have friends that never let you down, you have so many things that fill your heart with joy, little things and big things, and best of all, you now understand that ‘being kind’ is much more than what you thought it was back then.

You got cards, phone calls, e-mails and hugs today, but you know there’s one present that beats them all. It’s being able to see beyond them and notice the light shine, from the ones who honoured you with their gifts, but also around them and far beyond that, to the people who forgot, who didn’t know or don’t know you until it merges with everything this Earth holds.

It’s the same light that shines from within you.

Happy Birthday Girl!